"Am I worth all this? All this pain I cause people, asking you these kinds of things, making people sad...is it really worth it?
...Am I really nothing but a monster?"
If you weren't worth it, do you REALLY still think I would be talking to you? I mean honestly. With people who piss me off, I don't bother talking to them. Take Kozoman for example. I thought he was an okay guy for awhile, or just needed someone to talk to. Hah, when I had that last convo with him, I realized how wrong I was. I don't waste any more thoughts on him anymore. He hurt me- I'll admit it- so no more of that shit from him. Another good example of someone who causes me pain is Natasha. She's so annoying, that I don't bother with her either. Even when the Fraus asked our group of four to look after her when we were in Munich. I disobeyed their "orders" and basically said "screw her". I don't talk to people who hurt me or make me mad or whatever.
I think the only times when you make me sad is when you won't tell me things even though I know you need to talk to them. O.O Or when you tell me you're going to do something to yourself and I am helpless against stopping it.
The worst is when I don't know what to do to help you feel better, or know what to say. I've had many a case where I'll say something in hopes of making you feel better, and I only made it worse. And then I try to fix it, and it either only makes things worse or doesn't do anything at all.
I don't know how many times I've told you that you're not a monster. I almost wish I had kept count. Maybe that would have helped. But in a sense, this way is better, because I can say that I've told you so countless times. But that doesn't help either, because you won't listen to me. Have you ever thought that maybe- just maybe- everyone who told you that you were a monster were wrong... and I was right?
And what do you mean by "asking you these kinds of things"? Sure, you ask me some stuff, but 99% of the time you are the one answering my questions, not the other way around. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad or good or whatever, it's just how it is.
And I DON'T believe everything that Kat says. He thinks that I don't care, which is bullshit (and you know it, don't try to deny it). And I didn't believe that you were pregnant either. I believe that it might lead there someday, and that's what I worry about. If you were pregnant, I think you would have told me. Besides, you aren't having enough mood swings and bitchyness to be pregnant. :D (Humor, I promise)